Men are shit. - Kommunikationsliebe

Hello, dear non-male fellow human beings.

I am a man.

And I am me.

Like it happens to you too, it unfortunately happens to me quite often that I am not really seen as me at all. But instead serve as a projection screen for some past experiences with men.

I am “in the middle of my life,” and have spent my whole life trying not to take that personally. Trying to see the deep wounds that lead someone to simply not be able to see me. Sometimes I am stable, and then that works better. Sometimes less so. And yet there is always a part in me that it hurts. Because I, too, would like to be seen. As me. And that experiences this as a shared experience of violence. Physically, too.

A part that feels struck. And that does, after all, feel included in statements like “All men are shit.” A part that is often met with anger that actually belongs to other men. That is held responsible for actions I did not commit at all. From which more is demanded, without taking into account how much responsibility I already take on myself anyway. How much I have already felt guilty my whole life for things I did not do at all. I invest a great deal in processing my own past wounds. So that I may be able to see the person in front of me better in the future. I would like, someday, to simply be a man. I understand the anger. And yet from my perspective you are doing yourselves no favor by directing it at innocent people. People who are on your side; or would be, if you invited them to be, instead of attacking them seemingly out of nowhere.

No matter what gender: we all carry collective, societal wounds within us. Deep wounds. And we all struggle with not being seen. With being used as a projection screen, as stand-ins for others, whether we want to or not. Entirely regardless of gender. And we all carry responsibility to do our part.

I understand it as the most important social and deeply political work to confront our own wounds. To free ourselves, drop by drop. So that we may meet one another without making each other stand-ins for our old wounds. So that we may be there for one another when wounds rise to the surface. To be able to look behind what we encounter as violence against others and against ourselves. In moments where we aren’t even seen as individuals. Where we cannot be seen. Where we aren’t even the real target, and yet we’re still hit. And it’s not going to stop.

Most violence is committed by men. Most violence is experienced by men.

I am a man. I hurt. Just like you, regardless of gender. And, I can be hurt, also by you. Just like you.

Let us look. Together, and each for ourselves. In compassionate coexistence. We need each other.

Thank you.

Moritz

(machine translated from German original)

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