Me in 2026

What is tech doing?<br>2026-05<br>human<br>This is a dangerous stream of conciousness from a human being. Be careful - nothing was generated, tweaked by an AI, proofread, made LLM friendly, SEO optimized, or synergistically cofumbled sinusoidally. I had things I wanted to type for people and this is some of it.<br>Here there be little grey cells.

So it turns out I'm pretty angry these days. Which is weird for me. Really, really weird. I've always been oddly prideful about the kind of forced optimism and good-faith I try to face toward the world around me. It's served me well in the past, to many extents, and with a healthy dose of extremely good fortune in a burning world, I've been afforded the opportunity to keep trying it. Meaning, I am not unaware of how my entire sung tune would have been different if I had had one or more real, honest hiccups in life. Prolongued unemployment, less human friendship, different brainial genetics, whathaveyou.<br>I say all this this way because I'd like you, dear reader, to understand that when I say I'm angry, it's exceptionally painful. In a deeply uncommunicatable way. I can't say enough words, draw enough pictures, do enough songs and dances to accurately project into another human brain just how much... I have to say it, 'hate'... I'm experiencing in me these days. In the last few years, really.<br>I fully recognize I'm a dork. A geek. A nerd. I've been categorized by people in my life in some pretty odd ways. I've been called "irritatingly likable". I've been called an "appreciation monster". I've been called "the dude with the golden retriever energy". I try to take it all in stride because I recognize humans telling you about yourself is the best mirror you can ask for. Having another set of biological sensors filter into a brain, do some physics, and then spit out compressed air waves in the forms of words I have to translate is important externalization to see how I'm effecting the world around me. Some call it an external locus of control, or something. I call it doing the worst kind of science on myself. Take your seat somewhere in the spectrums that creates.<br>That's important, because I take myself seriously, and I take myself not seriously. I know I've been a lucky asshole my entire life. I've been able to feed myself sandwiches and grand sensory experiences by typing on various keyboards and producing things. People have told me in money and food that what I type has been useful enough to continue the trend, and I like to believe the choices I've made in trying to optimize the path between my brain-thoughts, my hands at the machine, and the other people at their own machines, has afforded me an 'earned' (whatever the hell that word means) me a sense of professionalism and accomplishment. I'm not super credentialed, I stopped higher-United-States-of-America-university-style education at the "Bachelor" level. I've been writing software for companies since then, way back in 2013-ish.<br>As the ramble continues, you'll see that I'm truly scattered. I started telling you I am very angry, and the last few paragraphs were almost self deprecating in who I am. But that's the point.<br>I need you to see that the angry I have is toward myself, and it is a reflection of what I have been a part of. I am a symptom and a disease, and it hurts. I'm overcorrecting, I'm flailing, and I'm realizing I'm underequipped for the world that's changing around me, and I fear a lot of other people are just like me out there because there truly is nothing new under the sun.<br>I haven't stated my thesis yet. If my IDH professors were reading this now they'd be livid with me, in a jovial way. I'd like to think they knew me pretty well, insofar as I allowed myself to be known. But here ya go, the thesis:<br>The industries of human ingenuity, idealized and practiced in science, human expression, community, and technological exponentiation, have transformed my hope of a future where what was going to come after I leave this universe in my current conscious state, to one I am fearful and despondent about; it is evidenced only by my personal experience, my tightening and worsening "social bubble", my self induced isolations, and my inability to understand my role in making the world better for myself and others.<br>I have watched my family members that told me about the nature of human cooperation and its importance to human coexistence slowly twist and morph into ghoulish mimics of themselves, subsumed by hateful targeted misinformation made more salient by their own personal confusions and misgivings of the world - scientific or otherwise. I have watched the world give rise to humans with so much excess in their lives that excess isn't an excessive enough word. "Billions" and "trillions" don't even make sense any more, high scores labeling how much a name is allowed to control you. I have watched societies decide amongst themselves that phrases like, What's wrong with xenophobic nationalism? are not just...