CTD Clinic | Computer-Transmitted Disease
Bureaucratic nonsense for online nonsense
Cybersecurity awareness has a naming problem.
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CTD Clinic is fake medical paperwork for transmissible internet stupidity.
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The clinic assigns memorable labels to online behavior people already regret.
Currently circulating in the waiting room<br>1 Bossulism<br>Sudden obedience triggered by executive punctuation and fake urgency.
2 Codeclap<br>Patient whispered six sacred digits to a stranger.
3 Payphilis<br>An invoice arrived and your skepticism immediately took lunch.
4 Bankorrhea<br>Bank details mutate the moment nobody wants to make a phone call.
5 Pushulism<br>Repeated login approvals arrive like notifications from an obsessed ex.
6 Pasteuritis<br>Clipboard enters a chatbot and forgets what confidentiality means.
On shift today<br>One medically unqualified professional currently staffing the clinic.<br>Please direct all symptoms, suspicions, and regrettable clicks to the desk.
Mike Sobiegraj<br>The Cyber Doctor<br>Runs the Clinic (into the ground).
Featured cases<br>Six conditions with disturbingly good transmission rates.<br>Sendable names show up faster than policy language, which is the entire point of the paperwork.
Chronic Memory-borne<br>Reusydia<br>Patient refuses to release the password.<br>Emotionally dependent on one password and smiling through breach exposure.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #1
Highly Sendable Link-borne<br>Clicklamydia<br>Clicks first, develops opinions about URLs later.<br>Feels chemistry with any blue underlined thing that arrives uninvited.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #2
Confidently Scannable Square-borne<br>QRpes<br>Scans mystery squares with the confidence of a lab volunteer.<br>Believes every monochrome box is a public service announcement.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #3
Needs a Grown-Up Boss-borne<br>Bossulism<br>Sudden obedience triggered by executive punctuation and fake urgency.<br>Develops immediately after a message says the boss needs this handled quietly.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #4
Helpfully Infected Code-borne<br>Codeclap<br>Patient whispered six sacred digits to a stranger.<br>Feels strangely helpful the moment a fake support person asks for a one-time code.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #5
Terminally Obvious Invoice-borne<br>Payphilis<br>An invoice arrived and your skepticism immediately took lunch.<br>Produces expensive generosity toward strangers with polished email signatures.
Check if you have it<br>Rank #6
Bring CTD Clinic to your company<br>Document workplace internet nonsense like a public institution with no self-awareness.
The name does the heavy lifting. The fake bureaucracy does the rest.
Browse the cases, read the manifesto, and issue a diagnosis the next time someone catches something obviously transmissible.
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