Aim for no
Aim for no
A friend of mine spent a year waiting for the right moment before<br>approaching his crush. The timing didn't change things. She rejected him<br>anyway.
Scott Galloway revealed a trait of successful people is their willingness to endure rejection.<br>In business, romantic, and social arenas.<br>Wealth, quality of spouse, and size of social circle is propotional to how willing you are to aim high, get rejected, and keep going.<br>Canva co-founder Melanie Perkins was rejected by over 100 investors before securing her first round of funding.<br>Harry Potter's manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before being accepted<br>and my friend Brian is dating someone way out of his league because he flirts with everyone.
The most difficult of the three arenas is romantic — so I'll focus on it.<br>Romantic rejection hurts the most because of the meaning I attach to it.<br>It's proof my deepest fears are true.<br>There is something wrong with me.<br>I'm not good enough for anyone.<br>I will die alone.<br>Why should I even try?<br>The next person will reject me, and the one after that.
Be rational
I'm not sure why I default to this line of thinking but, when emotion recedes, I think about the situation rationally rationally: to think based on logic, reason, and sound judgment rather than emotion. and realize<br>this was one person among eight billion. Their perspective has no influence on the other 7,999,999,999.<br>They made a call based on what little information they could scrounge about me from a five minute conversation — and that five minutes was me at my worst.<br>Nervous.<br>Awkward.<br>Speaking as if English is my second language.
Similarly, I know little of them.<br>Did they reject me because they just got out of a relationship?<br>Do I remind them of an ex?<br>Am I not their type?<br>There are hundreds of reasons for rejection.<br>Concluding they identified, in record time, I'm unworthy of any relationship and that they speak for the rest of the world is insane.
A game of chance
Because there are so many unknown variables, asking someone out is akin to<br>rolling a dice. A rejection isn't confirmation of my fears, it's just a bad<br>roll. Being a game of chance means the more I roll, the more I'll roll a six.<br>And I want to be in situations where I need a six. As Scott says, aim high. If<br>I'm not getting a lot of no's, I'm not aiming high enough.
The idea I should expect, or aim for no when asking someone out takes some pressure off.<br>But, it's still still uncomfortable.<br>The best way to handle it is to get rejected — a lot.<br>Like how a body adapts to adversity in the gym by growing muscle, a mind can adapt to rejection.
A loaded die
It's not all blind chance.<br>There are some variables I can control that tip the odds in my favor.<br>Like the way I act in that five minute conversation.<br>Similar to adapting to rejection, a mind can adapt to courting.<br>Just keep doing it.
Pain
Sharif writes most people will spend decades in chronic pain to avoid hours of acute pain.<br>Life involves pain.<br>We don't get to choose whether to endure it or not, we just get a choice of which to endure.<br>The pain of exercise or the pain of a deteriorating body.<br>The pain of getting rejected by a love interest or, wallowing for years in loneliness.<br>Choose acute pain.<br>Get notified when Talk launches — join the wait list:<br>email:Join✔ You have been added to the mailing list.