I Need Help - X

Hi.

My name is X. I’m 15 years old, and I’m the creator of X Programming Language.

I’ve rewritten this message a few times already because every time I finish it, it feels too long.

Maybe nobody will read all of it.

But if you’re here because you saw X, or because you found my project through Hacker News, I want to tell you the truth about who I am and why this project means so much to me.

I’ve spent years trying to build things.

I’ve started projects, abandoned projects, failed projects, and restarted more times than I can count.

Some people only see the finished result.

They don’t see the years of trial and error behind it.

Out of everything I’ve ever worked on, X is the project I’ve dedicated myself to the most.

It’s not just another side project to me.

It’s the thing I’m betting everything on.

Not because I want fame.

Not because I want attention.

Because I want a way forward for my family.

And honestly, because I don’t know what else to do anymore.

Right now, my family is struggling financially.

My grandmother works from morning until night to support us. Even after working all day, money is still tight.

There were times when we worried about basic things that most people don’t even think about.

The thing that hurts me the most, though, isn’t the money.

It’s my younger brother.

I recently found out he’s been getting bullied and physically hurt at school.

What shocked me wasn’t just that it happened.

It was finding out how long he’d been dealing with it alone.

He never really told anyone.

He just kept enduring it.

I can’t stop thinking about how he feels every morning when he has to go back there again.

Some people might think bullying is just something that happens to kids.

I don’t.

No child should be afraid of going to school.

No child should feel trapped in a place that’s supposed to help them grow.

More than anything, I want to get him out of that environment as soon as possible.

I want him to have a better school.

A safer school.

A better future.

I want my grandmother to finally stop worrying about money.

I want my family to be able to relax for once.

I want us to live instead of constantly trying to survive.

I know that probably sounds simple.

For me, it feels incredibly far away.

I dropped out of school when I was 13 years old.

At the time, my family situation was affecting me more than I knew how to handle.

I stopped going to school.

Eventually I had to formally leave.

I’ve been out of school for over three years now.

Most of that time has been spent in my room, sitting in front of a computer, trying to learn, build, and create something meaningful.

Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again.

I know that probably sounds strange coming from someone who’s only 15.

Most people my age are still living that part of their lives.

But sometimes I feel like I skipped over it.

A lot of my memories from the last few years are just me sitting in front of a computer, worrying about money, worrying about my family, worrying about whether the things I’m building will work or not.

Sometimes I miss being able to think like a normal kid.

I miss being able to wake up without feeling like I have to solve everything.

I miss not having to worry about whether my family is okay.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would’ve looked like if things had gone differently.

Sometimes I’d stay awake for two or three days working on projects.

I know that’s unhealthy.

I know it’ll probably affect me later.

I’m already starting to feel some of those effects.

But when I build things, I lose track of time completely.

Sometimes I get so focused that everything else disappears.

It’s one of the few things that genuinely makes me happy.

I’ve tried countless ways to make money over the years.

Most of them failed.

One project in particular still sticks with me.

Before X, I was developing a Roblox game.

I put everything I had into it.

I built the models myself.

The UI.

The sounds.

The animations.

Almost everything.

There were days when I barely slept because I was so focused on finishing it.

When I finally released it, I was excited.

For the first time in a long time, I thought maybe something would actually work.

The game lasted two days.

It reached around 40 visits.

That was it.

I didn’t have money to advertise it.

I didn’t have an audience.

I just watched it disappear.

I don’t think I’ve ever fully gotten over that experience.

Because since then, every time I build something, part of me keeps asking the same question.

What if nobody cares?

What if it fails again?

What if X ends the same way?

Maybe that’s irrational.

Maybe it’s not.

But I think about it all the time.

The truth is that I haven’t really experienced success yet.

Not once.

Not in the way I imagined.

For the last few years I’ve just been trying, failing, learning, and trying again.

To be honest, I’m exhausted.

I’ve been trying for years.

I’ve started over more times than I...