My Argument Against Self-Care — Shira Haddad — Shira Haddad<br>← WritingI have a friend, let's call her Anna.

Anna has been working her ass off on multiple projects and commitments; and she has an incredibly significant milestone this coming Sunday.<br>I told her a few times: hey, you should take Monday as a rest-day. She brushed me off, said "sure sure" and moved on in the conversation.

We continued on talking, but my mind was stuck on my suggestion and her response - here, I'm expecting Anna to do the hard work of caring for herself. I took her amazing achievement, her maybe-it's-not-enough feeling she expressed, and I threw it on her - she should just feel better, but herself.

I stopped the conversation. I checked my calendar and then I told her: hey, I'm going to rest with you. Monday, it's a date. Her face lit up - she agreed - yes, we'll rest together.

You know the body-doubling method for productivity? Let's do that for rest. Instead of sending the person off to 'self-care', basically adding another thing they need to worry about, we should think how we can care for them. Be there for them.

Anna is all of us; while we all got better at talking about self-care, saying 'Take The F-ing Sick Day' to our friends, we still don't really apply it for ourselves. Modern society can be so isolating - we usually keep challenges to ourselves. If it's being sick, being a caregiver, searching for a job, being frustrated with your boss, dealing with family stuff or anything else. We don't prioritize showing interest in our friends and neighbors, and they do the same. It's a tough circle to break, but it's possible - we just need to change our mindset and start small.

I am now practicing asking for help, as well as offering specific help. Of course, I don't want to be the one who always asks for help, but also don't want to be burnt out by being the one who always helps out.

I suggest you do the same - balance it out - try to model what you want to see from your peers. This transition might be uncomfortable, as we're so used to the language of self-care.

Don't suggest self-care. Instead, show up as the community care they need.