Wirecutter Headlines During the Revolutionary War - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
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June 26, 2026
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Wirecutter Headlines During the Revolutionary War
by JiJi Lee
"We Tested 100 Quill Pens to Find the Best One for Writing the Declaration of Independence"
"The British Cut Off Our Salt Supply. Here are Five Dupes to Use Instead"
"Here’s the Unfussy Telescope We Used to Monitor Hessian Mercenaries During the Battle of Trenton"
"Why We Love This Wrought Iron Spit for Cooking Mutton Over a Hearth"
"The Best Fife and Drum Set for Beginner Musicians Who Want to Play ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’ at a Public Execution"
"Is Your Home as Cold as Valley Forge? Time to Upgrade to a Luxurious Wool Blanket"
"Tricorn Hats Are Expensive. Here Are the Best Ones for Every Budget"
"Our Favorite Sherry and Madeira Gifts for the British Loyalist in Your Life"
"You’re Quartering a British Soldier. These Decorative Screens Will Help Maintain Your Privacy"
"We Rowed Cargo Boats All Day to See Which One Would Make it Across the Delaware River on Christmas"
"We Tested Three Muskets to See Which Shot You Could Actually Hear ’Round the World"
"Tired of Voiding Urine in an Outhouse? We Found the Holy Grail of Chamber Pots"
"I Am a Spy for the Continental Army. This is the Cloak I Would Buy to Sneak into a Tavern and Hand Over Secret Documents to a Courier"
"I Caught Smallpox on Purpose So That I Could Test Three Poultices to Relieve My Skin Pustules. This Was the Only One That Did the Trick"
"I Was Shot on the Battlefield. This is the Bottle of Rum That Kept Me from Fainting When They Amputated My Leg"
"The Only Spoon You’ll Ever Need for the Rest of Your Life Because We Didn’t Overthrow the Monarchy Just to Become Tyrannized by Consumerism"
Thirteen Colonies
American Revolution
Revolutionary War
Wirecutter
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