Relationships make us happy — and healthy — Harvard Gazette

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Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, says one of the biggest surprises they encountered was that what makes people happy is also what helps keep them healthy — relationships. The research project, the longest in-depth study of physical and mental well-being among adults, began in 1938 with 724 participants: 268 Harvard College sophomores and 456 young adults from Boston. It now includes 1,300 descendants of its original participants. The Gazette spoke with Waldinger about his new book, “The Good Life,” which he co-wrote with Marc Schulz. The interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Q&A

Robert Waldinger

GAZETTE:  One of the conclusions of your book involves how key good relationships are to both physical as well as mental well-being. Were researchers expecting that to be true?

WALDINGER:  As part of the study, we followed our first generation of participants through their entire adult lives — from teenage years all the way into old age. When they reached age 80, we realized we had all these data about their physical and mental health, which we had collected year after year after year.

We started wondering whether we could look back at our participants’ lives in middle age and see what the biggest predictors were of who’s going to be happy and healthy by age 80. We thought that cholesterol level or blood pressure at age 50 would be more important. They were not. It was satisfaction in their relationships, particularly in their marriages, that was the best predictor of a happy and healthy life.

At first, we didn’t believe it; we were wondering how this could be possible. We thought, “It makes sense that if you have happy relationships, you’ll be happier, but how could the quality of your relationships make it more or less likely that you would get coronary artery disease or Type 2 diabetes or arthritis?” We thought maybe this isn’t a real finding, maybe it’s by chance. Then other research groups began to find the same thing. Now it is a very robust finding. It’s very well established that interpersonal connectedness, and the quality of those connections, really impact health, as well as happiness.

“[I]f you are alone and feel stressed and lonely, that’s part of what breaks down your health. That’s why we think loneliness is as dangerous to your health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.”

GAZETTE:   Is there solid medical evidence that supports how good relationships might affect physical health?

WALDINGER:  Some people might think this finding is very touchy-feely, right? The question you are asking is exactly what researchers were asking, which is, “How does that work? What would the mechanism be by which relationships affect physiology?” We have spent the last 10 years in our lab studying this. The best hypothesis for which there are good data suggests that it is about stress and the regulation of stress by our relationships.

First, stress is a natural part of life. It happens every day to most of us: Something will come along that will stress us, and when that happens, the body goes into fight-or-flight mode. When that happens, you can feel your heart rate increase, your blood pressure goes up, you might start to sweat, and that’s normal because we want the body to prepare itself to meet a challenge. But when the challenge is removed, we want the body to go back to equilibrium. For example, if I have something upsetting happen during the day, and I’m churning or ruminating about it, I go home and talk to my wife or a friend, and if that person is a good listener, I can literally feel my body calm down.

But if you don’t have anyone like that, and many people don’t, if you are isolated or you don’t have a confidant, what we think happens is that the body stays in a kind of low-level fight-or-flight mode, and that means that there are higher levels of circulating stress hormones and higher levels of inflammation, and those things can gradually wear away many body systems. That’s how we think stress can wear down multiple body systems and how good relationships can be protective of our health.

GAZETTE:  How about career and financial success? Are they as important as good relationships?

WALDINGER:  Certainly, having a job you enjoy or care about and find meaningful is important. Having a job you hate lowers your well-being for sure. But what we know from good studies is that wealth does not increase well-being significantly once we have our basic needs met. Once you get beyond basic financial security, your happiness doesn’t go up...