Sit, Siri! - by Amber Case - Cayce’s Substack

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Sit, Siri!<br>Designing Our Tech to Have Good Etiquette

Amber Case<br>Jul 07, 2026

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Sometimes we need to tell our devices what to do. Illustration by the author.<br>If you’re lucky, you awake in the morning to an overeager puppy who bounds onto your bed with happy yelps and kisses. It’s a pretty welcome start to the day, even when the bounding starts while you’re still half-asleep.<br>Cayce’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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Most of us, however, begin our morning with a completely different kind of barking.<br>Technology has exploded into our lives like a needy pet, demanding our constant attention from the moment we wake. The beeps and pings of notifications resonate like ceaseless barking, while flashing messages nip at our heels, yanking us out of our sleep.<br>In the rush to make devices ubiquitous and “smart,” tech companies have created for us a monstrous pet that resists training, is not very affectionate, and is definitely not housebroken.<br>What’s fundamentally missing in our technology is a sense of etiquette, a broad set of social norms and expectations that set a baseline of dignity and respect. “Etiquette” might be a somewhat outdated term when it comes to human relationships. But our technology products are not people — they’re even nowhere close to deserving the same love we have for our pets. The same can definitely be said for tech corporations, which are supposed to be serving us, not the other way around.<br>Etiquette, by definition, is about graceful relationships between different kinds of people. Good design is about designing calm relationships between technology and people.<br>So we should expect our products to practice proper etiquette. As designers, we should create experiences with that etiquette in mind.<br>For instance, here’s how some classic adages of etiquette might be applied to an app’s user experience:<br>Whisper, don’t shout: Audio alerts can be subtle and meaningful. Abrasive, loud, or suddenly jarring noises aren’t necessary for getting information across, unless in an emergency..

Inform, don’t alarm: Notifications can convey information without urgency. Calm visual and audio cues can still alert users.

Ask, don’t assume: Often, apps ask if we want to opt into various features during the setup process, as if assuming we’ll understand their utility. Apps might instead offer to suggest various notifications and next steps as they happen. Delta Airlines’ app has helpful communications just like this: “You checked a bag into flight DL179, would you like to receive a notification when your bag is on the conveyor belt at your destination?” It’s an example of a well-designed notification that occurs right when people need it, alleviating uncertainty.

An expectation of etiquette from our devices shouldn’t just be confined to app notifications. Consider, for example, how that “whisper, don’t shout” adage would apply in visual UI design:<br>Visually whispering with gradient softening<br>“Gradient softening” refers to subtly and gradually transitioning between different states in an interface or technology. Rather than abrupt, harsh jumps between screens, colors, volumes, etc., changes progressively blend in and out.

Above: The one sec app obscures the screen of addictive social media apps for 10 seconds and asks for an intention before allowing the user to access the app.<br>The one sec app makes great use of gradients, which is quite fitting, because the application is designed to give people a relaxing pause before launching Twitter and other (usually stressful) social media apps.<br>The goal is to create a more seamless, calming flow among the elements of the experience. Hard lines and stark contrasts are “softened” into smoother, subtler transitions that are less jarring. Gradual gradients replace harsh divisions, guiding the user experience in a more harmonious direction.<br>For example, when a notification pops up, rather than suddenly flashing brightly, it could fade in gently. Colors on a screen could blend softly rather than being divided into hard edges. Audio alerts could gradually increase in volume rather than blare loudly without warning.<br>Gradient softening applies the idea of gentle transitions to create more organic technology experiences.<br>Lack of gradient softening is not only visually jarring, but can distort how information is presented and interpreted.<br>In 1786, William Playfair introduced colorful, statistical graphs to convey different categories in data visualizations. During this time, maps of the world were often presented in jarring colors rather than smooth ones.<br>American statistician and professor Edward Tufte demonstrated the power of subtle gradients in his book, Seeing With Fresh Eyes.

Example of a jarringly colorful map. The mind focuses more on the colors of the map than on the information...