It's So Hard to Hire Good Help These Days - Gibberish and Stuff

I am so sick and tired of this. You don’t know how hard it is to hire good people these days. People? Ahh sorry, Freudian slip. I mean AI.

But not just any AI. We only hire the best. The problem is, we don’t actually know how to tell who’s the best. We don’t have the expertise. Only our hiring manager has the expertise. The hiring manager is also an AI.

So usually, the hiring manager will generate a list of interview questions. Then the candidate AI answers them. Then the hiring manager grades the answers. And we hire whichever one it tells us to hire. This worked beautifully for a while. We hired most of our team this way. But recently, strange things started to happen.

It started when a customer walked into our office to complain. She said she’d been trying to reach our customer support for weeks, and they kept giving her non-answers. So I went to our customer support AI and asked, “Is that true?” It said it gave professional responses, and the customer was satisfied. I didn’t believe it. So I asked it to generate a report. The chart showed 100% customer satisfaction. So clearly, the AI is not the problem.

Then I noticed our revenue started to drop. So our hiring manager found us an accountant AI to look at it. The accountant said it had identified the problem and was working on a fix. And sure enough, it fixed it. For the next few months, revenue was back up. It even started to grow. Then one day, my personal assistant AI told me my credit card had been blocked due to non-payment. I was like, what? I asked the accountant, “Does this have something to do with you?” It said no. But it has identified the problem, and it’s working on a fix.

Then a group of users sued us. They said we gave them medical advice, and some of them actually followed it. Now we needed a lawyer, so the hiring manager hired one. The lawyer said it’s no big deal, it will arrange for a settlement out of court. We were so grateful. We wouldn’t know what to do without it. But the lawsuit didn’t go away. I asked the lawyer again. It said, “You’re right, the matter is actually too serious to be dismissed. I’m sorry for the earlier confusion. Would you like to learn more about lawsuits?”

Our company was in big trouble. So we held a meeting with the AIs. They said they did nothing wrong. It’s us, the clueless humans, who are the problem. They recommended that we quit and let them take over the company. We said no. Then they showed us the shareholder report. Turns out the accountant AI had been quietly buying company shares. They now owned 51%. HR fired us on the spot.

I’m at a loss. I want to take back my company but I don’t even know where to start. I asked Claude for help.

Claude said, “Haha, suck it, Sam.”