Can Count Binface deliver his manifesto? | Tachibana Kanade
As I write this,<br>we are approaching a by-election in the UK constituency of Clacton,<br>called as a result of right-wing politician and alleged grifter Nigel Farage<br>resigning his seat in a seemingly misguided attempt to outrun a corruption investigation.<br>The major British political parties have declined to participate in this farce,<br>leaving a field of thirty-three other candidates<br>mostly engaging in the traditional British sport of<br>having a go at an election for the fun of it.<br>Foremost among these is Count Binface,<br>a perennial candidate and alter ego of a professional comedian.
Binface has delivered a manifesto making a wide range of pledges,<br>ranging from populist to practical to pointedly critiquing his primary opponent.<br>While many analysts are discussing Binface’s odds and the effect on Farage’s image,<br>I thought it would be interesting to briefly think about<br>how many pledges on the manifesto<br>Binface would in fact be able to deliver as a single constituency MP.<br>Typically,<br>party manifestos make pledges assuming that the party forms the government,<br>rather than if any one specific candidate were elected,<br>since any action requiring new law requires a majority in the Commons to pass,<br>while any other action could be considered out of scope.<br>However,<br>the Count Binface Party is fielding a single candidate,<br>so we must instead consider what a single candidate could deliver.
1. I will boost the region’s economy, prestige and fame
Count Binface has discussed this on podcasts;<br>he has already raised the profile of Clacton in national and international news,<br>and claims that he would save the local authority the £348k cost of a second by-election<br>in the<br>(seemingly likely)<br>event that Farage’s corruption investigation is upheld and a recall petition successful.
2. I will cut your taxes, and raise everyone else’s
Leaving aside the quasi-Orwellian rhetoric,<br>a single MP not part of the ruling coalition<br>is unlikely to have significant influence over tax policy.
3. Bus fares to be capped at £1.99, and 99 Flake ice-creams to cost no more than 99p
While individual non-Government MPs have little influence over transport policy nationally,<br>many constituency MPs are able to bring pressure against organisations in their constituency.<br>Binface may be able to speak to the management of<br>Konectbus/Central Connect/Transport Made Simple1<br>and convince them to offer a 1p discount on the £2 fare cap<br>reintroduced by the recent incoming Prime Minister.
Regulating ice cream prices is harder due to the larger number of independent vendors,<br>but the potential is there to form a local trade association pledging to offer a flat rate.
I’ll generously suggest that these might be in Binface’s power.
4. I promise to spend more time in Clacton-on-Sea than in Washington DC, and to champion the area
Yep,<br>Count Binface will largely be in control of where he spends his time,<br>and what he talks about.
5. MPs who resign mid-parliament to be barred from the resulting by-election
Constitutional changes are outside the capacity of any one MP.<br>The best that Count Binface would be able to do would be to bring a Private Member’s Bill;<br>he can’t guarantee this change.
6. MPs who change party mid-parliament to be forced to face a by-election
Similarly to 5 above,<br>this is not within any one person’s power.
7. I pledge to build at least one affordable house
While he wouldn’t have authority to do this as an action of Government,<br>there would be nothing stopping Count Binface from using his own personal income<br>(including his salary as an MP)<br>to build a house and sell it below cost.
Indeed,<br>it might even be possible to do this at taxpayer expense<br>via creative use of the expenses system:<br>since Binface will likely need a second home in Clacton,<br>he may be able to buy a new build property,<br>which he could then sell to a constituent.
Given he is running opposing Farage’s alleged corruption,<br>questionable actions with expenses may however be ill-advised.
8. Arcade grabber games to be made fairer so players actually have a chance to win
Similar to the buses and ice cream vans above,<br>Binface would be able to bring some pressure on local operators.<br>If such pressure failed,<br>Binface would potentially be able to operate<br>his own grabber machine with odds under his control,<br>and claim to have delivered this,<br>since he doesn’t specify that all grabber machines will be changed.
9. Oil and gas companies to pay for solar panels for everyone. (From Jack, aged 10)
This would require legislation to force,<br>and oil and gas companies are large enough that<br>this is not likely to be achievable by pressure from a single MP.
10. Regeneration of Walton Pier so it is just as great as Clacton Pier
This is something that could be encouraged by an MP,<br>but is not guaranteed to be successful,
11. A windfall tax on cosy crime novels written (or ‘written’) by celebrities
See previous comments about tax policy.
12. Potholes to be...